Nighttime Personalities Target Trump's New 'Gold Card' Immigration Scheme

Late-night's prominent entertainers used the broadcast mocking President Donald Trump's recently launched visa initiative, dubbed the "gold card," characterizing it as a clear cash-for-residency arrangement for the rich.

The Late Show's Witty Spin

Starting his show, Stephen Colbert delivered a mock holiday song about the commander-in-chief. "He's making a list, reviewing it twice, and then giving that list to the officials at ICE," he sang. "The President ... spoils each thing he touches."

The focus was the controversial initiative which enables overseas individuals to purchase U.S. residency for a sum of a million dollars, or "premium" option for 5 million. A government website promises processing "faster than ever."

"A brief note here to affluent foreigners: before you fork over the cash, what about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He pointed out that the program is also designed to "get cash" from firms looking to hire foreign workers, involving hefty fees. "That is a lot of fees, however if you sign up, you additionally get a complimentary stay at a hotel of your selection – as long as it's the a specific Marriott," he said.

"The best vetting the U.S. government has ever done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to ensure these people absolutely are eligible to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert responded. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Commentary

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"Here's a card that will allow wealthy international individuals to live here," he stated. "For a million dollars, you get official resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one significant crime of your choice."

"Perhaps it's time to revise that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your poor masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel mocked the brevity of the application, noting it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Exactly, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Grocery Issues

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's declining approval ratings during financial concerns. "The public gave Donald Trump a another term because they were upset about the economy," he said.

This week, in a attempt to tackle cost of living, Trump held a press conference in front of a display of grocery items, where he reacted peculiarly to boxes of cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"He is so extremely weird," Meyers said. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by criticizing right-leaning media arguments of Trump's economic performance. "Maybe instead of complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like the one FIFA did," he remarked.